Alone? I think not!

There i so much on my heart right now i can't even begin to describe. I really want to talk about it. But its so hard for me to sit at a computer in a big empty room with rock floors and wood walls. I am a coffee shop-sit outside-atmospheric type person. and this chair is real uncomfortable.

So God has stripped me down, taken everything that is constant and stable in my life and its the most amazing completely terrifying feeling i've ever experienced. It's like God has pushed everything out of the way grabbed me by the shoulders, starring me in the face and isn't saying anything... as if he wants me to say something first. But of course i have no idea what to say because, holy crap God is right in front of me, i want to do the right thing. But what is the right thing? who defines what right it? (other then God) How do you know?

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz right now. and its like i know and have heard a lot of the stuff he is saying in it. but after reading what he has to say it highlights and points out a lot of things i just overlooked. I am now realizing that those dead sleepwalking Christians i was hearing about was me.
i want to change that. I will change that. i'm not going to continue living the way i want to.... i will live the way He wants me to.

I want to explore and discuss so much right now. But I can honestly say i have no friends here that i can talk to about God, spirituality, and ministry. And i hate that! it really bothers me. because that mean that i settled for less. i haven't been taking all God has put in front of me. Because i know of people that i could talk about God to and they would talk back. They just don't know me. and that's i am going to step up. i want everyone who knows me to know that God is my everything, He is my substance and very being.
So maybe this is what God wants for me now.
Just me and you.
No distractions.
Nothing.
I am wholly yours.